that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
This is a test message to see whether or not the recipient is alive.
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
Randomize