how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
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