You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
Randomize
