I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
Randomize