My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
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