My balls are so social today.
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
Randomize
