Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
Randomize
