Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
Randomize
