Sry I called you an 8
Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
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