found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
Randomize
