Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
Randomize
