there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
try to milk me bitch
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Randomize
