fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
i think im in europe. pls send help
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
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