cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
