Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
Randomize