Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
Randomize
