i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
There are leaves in my underwear?
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
Randomize
