lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
Randomize
