Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
Randomize
