dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
Randomize
