Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
Randomize
