I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
should my penis look like a turkey
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
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