Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
Randomize
