uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
