Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
Too much gin, very little bucket
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
Randomize
