1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
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