from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
My feet surprised me
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
Randomize
