If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
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