Applied 4 a nanny job usin a Legit Site. Xplain to me how the couple I found offered me a 3some complete with 'sexy pics' of the wife blowin hubby. wtf?
obviously you're part succubus.
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
her facebook's as public as her vagina
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize
