I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
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