I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
Let's get the cat blown out
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
