Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
Never underestimate the power of titties
Randomize
