I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
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