I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
Randomize
