idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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