Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize