I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Randomize
