spencer pratt says his family invinted chess
that kid is like the al gore of hollywood.
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
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