I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
Randomize
