did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Randomize
