yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
All I want is dick and wine.
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
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