I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
Randomize
