margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
Man, jail baloney is awful.
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
Randomize
