Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
17 year olds will be the death of me.
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
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