it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
smell my finger.
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
Randomize
