no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
Randomize
