I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Randomize
