it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
Randomize
