I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
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