i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
I want to fling myself into the sun
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
Randomize
