hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
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