How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
The Olympian is in my bed
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize