I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
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