Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
The air taste purple.
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
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