i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
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