So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
This couple is walking their pig around campus
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
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