Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
Randomize
