Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
Randomize