I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
Randomize
