he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
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