her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
Randomize
