You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
If I die, sorry about rent.
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
All I want is dick and wine.
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
Randomize
