i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
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