3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
Randomize
